Therapy for People Who Didn’t Think They Deserved Help

Many people come to therapy not because they always believed they should — but because, eventually, the pain of not seeking help became too great.

If you’ve grown up being told to “just get on with it,” or learned early that your needs weren’t important, reaching out for support might feel unnatural, even selfish. You may be someone who minimises your struggles, thinking, “It’s not that bad,” or “Others have it worse.”

But pain doesn’t have to meet a certain threshold to deserve care. Hurt is hurt. And you are allowed to heal.

Where Does This Belief Come From?

Many people who struggle to ask for help were shaped by environments where emotional needs were ignored, dismissed, or subtly shamed. You might have:

• Been praised for being “strong” or “easygoing,” even when you were struggling

• Learned not to complain or show vulnerability

• Taken on adult responsibilities too early

• Been told you were “too sensitive”

• Grown up around people who were in survival mode themselves

Over time, you may have internalised the idea that your feelings are burdensome, unimportant, or not valid enough for support. This can lead to a deeply rooted sense that you must earn help, or that others’ pain is always more deserving than your own.

“Others Have It Worse” — A Dangerous Comparison

It’s true that suffering exists on a wide spectrum. But comparing your pain to someone else’s doesn’t make theirs easier — and it certainly doesn’t make yours disappear. This mindset often keeps people stuck in silence, invalidating their own experiences.

Pain is not a competition. It’s a human experience. And we all need support sometimes, regardless of how our lives look from the outside.

What Therapy Can Offer

Therapy provides a space that may feel unfamiliar at first — one where your feelings are met with curiosity, not judgment. Where your past is explored not to assign blame, but to understand how it shaped your beliefs. And where your struggles are treated with care, not comparison.

Therapy can help you:

• Understand the roots of your self-doubt or guilt around asking for help

• Learn how to validate your own needs without shame

• Practice receiving support, perhaps for the first time

• Begin to feel worthy of care — not because you’re “suffering enough,” but because you’re human

You Are Not Broken — You Adapted

Often, the very coping mechanisms that now feel like obstacles were once forms of protection. Minimising your pain may have been how you stayed safe or functional in a world that didn’t offer much support.

Therapy doesn’t pathologise those defences. It honours them, while gently helping you find new ways to live that are rooted in self-compassion.

You Deserve Help, Even If No One Told You That Before

The belief that you must “have it all together,” or “deal with it yourself,” can be a heavy burden to carry. You are allowed to put it down. You’re allowed to feel what you feel. And you are absolutely allowed to ask for help.

Healing is not reserved for the few. It’s for anyone who wants it — including you.