Therapy Is Not Linear: How Growth Often Looks Like Setbacks
When people start therapy, it’s natural to hope for steady progress—like climbing a staircase where every step takes you higher. But healing rarely follows a straight line. More often, it feels like three steps forward, two steps back, circling around the same themes, or even sliding into old patterns just when you thought you’d moved past them.
This can be discouraging if you don’t expect it. But in truth, these “setbacks” are part of the healing process. Therapy is not linear because growth is not linear.
Why Healing Feels Like Going Backwards
The Nervous System Heals in Layers
Trauma, stress, or long-held patterns don’t unravel all at once. As your system feels safer, deeper material may surface. What looks like regression is often a sign that your body-mind is ready to process something new.Old Coping Mechanisms Get Triggered
When life gets stressful, it’s normal to reach for old habits. Falling back into avoidance, numbing, or overthinking doesn’t erase progress—it shows where more compassion and support are needed.Awareness Comes Before Change
In therapy, you often notice unhealthy dynamics long before you can act differently. Becoming aware of a pattern might make it feel worse at first because you can’t ignore it anymore. That awareness is progress.
The Spiral of Healing
Think of growth less as a straight road and more as a spiral staircase. You may circle back to the same themes—abandonment, shame, self-doubt—but each time you meet them with a little more perspective, a little more strength, and a little more self-compassion.
The issue hasn’t “come back.” You’re simply seeing it from a deeper vantage point.
Signs You’re Still Growing—Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It
You recover faster from old triggers.
You can name your feelings instead of being swept away by them.
You notice the urge to fall back into a pattern, even if you sometimes still act on it.
You’re kinder to yourself after a setback.
You reach for support instead of isolating.
These may seem small, but they are powerful markers of healing.
How to Work with the Ups and Downs
Expect Waves, Not Ladders
Progress often looks like waves—ebb and flow, rise and fall. Trust that the tide is still moving forward overall.Celebrate Small Shifts
Instead of waiting for total transformation, notice moments of softness, new choices, or deeper awareness.Practice Self-Compassion
Growth slows down when shame takes over. Remind yourself: “Struggling doesn’t mean I’ve failed—it means I’m human.”Talk About It in Therapy
If you feel stuck or like you’re regressing, bring it into the room. Often, these “stuck” moments reveal the most important material to work with.
The Truth About Setbacks
Setbacks don’t erase progress. They highlight the edges where healing is still unfolding. Therapy is about building capacity—capacity to hold your feelings, to tolerate uncertainty, to choose differently, to stay present with yourself and others.
When you stumble, it doesn’t mean you’re back at the start. It means you’re on the path.
Healing is not about never struggling again. It’s about becoming someone who can face struggles with more resilience, awareness, and compassion than before.
