Mentalisation vs Mindfulness: Two Pathways to Understanding Ourselves
In therapy and personal growth, two words often come up: mentalisation and mindfulness. They may sound similar, and both invite us to slow down and pay attention, but they focus on very different aspects of human experience. Understanding the difference can help us use each practice more intentionally, both in daily life and in therapy.
What Is Mentalisation?
Mentalisation is the ability to understand our own and others’ inner worlds—the thoughts, feelings, intentions, and beliefs that drive behaviour. It’s about asking: What might be going on in me right now? What might be going on in the other person?
Developed as a concept by Peter Fonagy and colleagues, mentalisation is central in therapies like Mentalisation-Based Therapy (MBT). When we can mentalise, we are less likely to act impulsively, misinterpret others, or get swept away by overwhelming emotion.
Mentalisation in action looks like:
Recognising that your partner’s irritation might come from their bad day, not from your worth
Noticing that you feel anxious in a group and wondering what story you’re telling yourself about belonging
Holding curiosity about others instead of jumping to assumptions
What Is Mindfulness?
Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment, non-judgmentally. It is less concerned with why we or others feel something, and more about noticing what is happening right now.
Rooted in contemplative traditions and popularised in psychology through practices like Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR), mindfulness helps regulate attention and reduce reactivity.
Mindfulness in action looks like:
Bringing awareness to your breath when you feel stressed
Noticing tension in your shoulders without rushing to change it
Observing thoughts as passing events rather than truths
The Key Difference
Mentalisation asks: What might explain what I or others are experiencing? (Interpretation, perspective-taking)
Mindfulness asks: What is happening, right here and now? (Awareness, presence)
In short, mindfulness grounds us in the moment, while mentalisation helps us make sense of the mind.
How They Work Together
Both practices are powerful on their own, but together they can deepen growth:
Mindfulness helps us notice sensations, thoughts, and emotions without being overwhelmed.
Mentalisation helps us reflect on those experiences and understand how they shape relationships.
For example, mindfulness might help you notice, “My heart is racing and I feel heat in my face.” Mentalisation might then add, “I think I’m feeling ashamed because I believe I’ve disappointed someone.”
Why This Matters in Healing
Trauma, stress, or relational wounds can disrupt both mindfulness and mentalisation. We may become cut off from present-moment awareness, or lose perspective on our inner world and others’. Strengthening both skills supports emotional regulation, empathy, and healthier relationships.
In therapy, mindfulness can steady the nervous system, while mentalisation can open curiosity and flexibility in relationships. Together, they allow us not only to feel but also to understand, not only to witness but also to connect.
