Low Self-Esteem vs. Low Confidence: What’s the Difference?
The terms self-esteem and self-confidence are often used interchangeably — but they don’t mean quite the same thing. Understanding the difference between them can be the first step toward healing self-doubt and building a more resilient sense of self.
In this post, we’ll break down what each term means, how they show up in everyday life, and how therapy can help if either — or both — are holding you back.
What Is Self-Esteem?
Self-esteem is about how you see yourself at your core. It's your internal sense of worth and how much you believe you deserve love, respect, and happiness — simply because you're you.
People with low self-esteem often:
Feel unworthy or “not good enough”
Struggle with self-criticism or shame
Have difficulty accepting compliments
Avoid relationships or opportunities for fear of rejection
Internalise failure as a reflection of their identity
In short, self-esteem is about who you believe you are.
What Is Self-Confidence?
Self-confidence, on the other hand, is about trust in your abilities — like how well you think you can perform a task or handle a challenge.
Someone with low confidence might:
Doubt their skills or knowledge in specific areas (e.g. public speaking, leadership)
Struggle with imposter syndrome at work or school
Avoid new challenges for fear of failure
Feel anxious in social or performance-based situations
Where self-esteem is about being, confidence is about doing.
Why the Distinction Matters
Though they're different, self-esteem and confidence are closely linked. You can have:
High confidence but low self-esteem: You may perform well outwardly (e.g. in a job), but still feel fundamentally “not good enough” inside.
Low confidence but healthy self-esteem: You might struggle in new situations, but still value yourself overall and treat yourself with compassion.
Understanding where the issue lies helps tailor support — whether that’s building self-belief from within, or developing new skills and experience to boost external confidence.
Self-Esteem vs. Self-Confidence at a Glance
Self-Esteem
Focus: Your sense of worth
Based on: Deep beliefs about yourself
Influenced by: Childhood, identity, relationships
Common thoughts: “I’m not lovable.” “I don’t deserve good things.”
Healing approach: Therapy, self-compassion, inner work
Self-Confidence
Focus: Your belief in your abilities
Based on: Experience and competence
Influenced by: Practice, feedback, past success/failure
Common thoughts: “I can’t do this.” “I’m not good at that.”
Healing approach: Skill-building, support, exposure
How This Shows Up in Therapy
Clients often come to therapy saying things like:
“I feel like a fraud even though I’m successful.”
“I always second-guess myself in meetings.”
“I can’t take a compliment — I just don’t believe it.”
“I keep people at a distance because I worry I’ll disappoint them.”
Sometimes, the issue is surface-level confidence. Other times, it's deeper self-worth wounds rooted in childhood, trauma, or past criticism.
How Therapy Can Help
Whether you're struggling with self-confidence, self-esteem, or both, therapy can help you:
Identify the roots of self-doubt
Challenge negative beliefs about yourself
Build confidence in practical situations
Develop self-compassion and emotional resilience
Learn to value yourself regardless of performance
No one is born with high self-esteem or confidence — both are shaped over time. And with the right support, they can also be rebuilt.
You Deserve to Feel Good About Who You Are
You are more than your achievements, and you are not defined by your doubts. Whether you feel stuck in patterns of self-criticism or are simply tired of holding yourself back, therapy offers a safe space to explore, understand, and grow.
If you’re based in Nottingham or looking for support online, get in touch to explore how we can work together to build confidence and nurture true self-worth.
