Is It Resistance or Protection? What “Stuckness” Really Means in Therapy
If you’ve ever sat in therapy and thought: Why can’t I just move on? Why do I keep sabotaging myself? Why am I stuck?, you’re not alone. Many people experience moments in therapy — or in life — where progress seems impossible, no matter how much they want to change.
It’s easy to call this resistance. But what if what we often label as resistance is actually something far more compassionate — your mind and body trying to protect you the best way they know how?
Let’s explore what “stuckness” really is, and how to work with it rather than against it.
Why We Get Stuck
When you’re trying to heal, grow, or confront painful material, you may notice certain patterns:
You miss therapy sessions or arrive late.
You avoid certain topics.
You feel numb, distracted, or sleepy during difficult conversations.
You agree to make changes but never follow through.
These behaviors might frustrate you and even your therapist. At first glance, they can look like self-sabotage — but more often than not, they’re rooted in your nervous system’s instinct to keep you safe.
Resistance as Protection
For many of us, the habits we developed — avoiding conflict, shutting down, distracting ourselves — were originally ways to survive something painful.
If, for example, expressing emotions in your family led to ridicule or danger, your body learned to suppress feelings to protect you. If trusting others once led to betrayal, it makes sense your system might hesitate to open up now.
In other words, what seems like “resistance” may actually be your nervous system saying:
“We’ve been here before, and it hurt. Let’s not risk it again.”
This is protection — not defiance.
How to Work With “Stuckness”
When you stop seeing your stuckness as the enemy and start treating it as an old friend trying to keep you safe, the work begins to soften.
Here are some ways to approach it:
1. Get Curious, Not Critical
Instead of berating yourself for avoiding or procrastinating, gently ask:
What is this behavior protecting me from? What might it fear would happen if I moved forward?
2. Honor the Fear
Acknowledge that these protective parts of you have helped you survive — and they deserve gratitude. You don’t need to force them out; you can slowly invite them to trust that it’s safe now.
3. Work at the Pace of Safety
Sometimes moving too fast in therapy can overwhelm your system. Slowing down to create a sense of safety allows deeper work to unfold when you’re ready.
4. Share With Your Therapist
Be honest about what feels scary or impossible. A good therapist will help you explore your stuckness without judgment, and together you can figure out how to proceed gently.
A New Perspective
What if your stuckness isn’t a flaw to fix, but wisdom to listen to?
What if the parts of you that seem to block your healing are just waiting for reassurance that they won’t be hurt again?
Healing isn’t about bulldozing over your fear. It’s about making space for it, understanding it, and gently teaching it that safety is possible.
Final Thoughts
If you feel stuck in therapy, you’re not failing — you’re protecting yourself. Those defenses may no longer serve you, but they were born from a need to survive. With patience, compassion, and the right support, you can help those protective parts let go — and move forward when you’re truly ready.
You’re not resisting your healing. You’re making sure it happens at a pace you can handle. And that is not weakness — that is wisdom.
