Healing the Freeze: How to Befriend Emotional Numbness
When people think about trauma responses, “fight” and “flight” usually come to mind. But there’s another, quieter survival response that often goes unnoticed: freeze.
Freeze isn’t dramatic. It doesn’t draw attention. It feels like shutting down—going blank, going numb, or disappearing inside yourself. Many people who carry trauma find themselves stuck in this state, and then blame themselves for being “lazy,” “unmotivated,” or “emotionless.” But freeze isn’t a personal flaw. It’s a nervous system doing its best to keep you safe.
What Is the Freeze Response?
Freeze is the body’s emergency brake. When neither fighting nor running away seems possible, the nervous system protects you by going still—slowing everything down so you can survive overwhelming stress.
This can show up as:
Emotional numbness
Trouble making decisions
Feeling cut off from your body
Brain fog or “blanking out”
A sense of being stuck in molasses
It can be confusing and frustrating, especially if you judge yourself for not being able to “just get on with it.”
Why Emotional Numbness Makes Sense
If you grew up with chaos, abuse, or neglect, freezing might have been your best chance of surviving situations you couldn’t escape. Shutting down your feelings wasn’t weakness—it was wisdom.
The problem is, when the nervous system stays locked in this pattern long after the danger has passed, numbness starts to interfere with living fully.
Healing the Freeze
The goal isn’t to “snap out of it” but to gently thaw. Befriending numbness means recognising it as a survival strategy, and slowly teaching your body it’s safe to feel again.
Here are some steps that help:
1. Acknowledge It Without Shame
Instead of telling yourself you’re broken, try: “This is my nervous system protecting me. Thank you—but I don’t need this as much anymore.”
2. Start Small With Sensation
Notice simple physical experiences: the warmth of tea, the weight of a blanket, the feel of your feet on the floor. Gentle sensory focus can begin to wake the body without overwhelming it.
3. Movement Over Motivation
When frozen, waiting for motivation doesn’t work. Small physical movements—stretching, shaking out your arms, even stepping outside for a breath of air—can help shift your state.
4. Safe Connection
Healing happens in relationship. A trusted friend, therapist, or support group can help you feel safe enough to unfreeze slowly. Even brief moments of authentic connection—eye contact, laughter, shared silence—are powerful.
5. Patience, Not Pressure
The freeze response took years to build. Thawing it takes time. Progress isn’t about never going numb again, but about recovering more gently when you do.
The Gentle Reframe
Freeze is not failure—it’s survival. Emotional numbness is your nervous system’s way of saying, “It was too much then.” Befriending it means recognising that you don’t have to fight your body.
With compassion, curiosity, and support, the frozen parts of you can begin to melt—revealing not weakness, but the incredible resilience that kept you here.
You are not broken—you’re healing in your own time.
