Gaslighting: What It Is, Where It Comes From, and How to Protect Yourself
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that can leave people doubting their own perceptions, memories, and sense of reality. Over time, it erodes confidence, self-trust, and emotional safety. Many people who experience gaslighting don’t recognise it at first — they just know they feel confused, anxious, or as though something is wrong with them.
Understanding gaslighting is an important step in reclaiming clarity and agency.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting occurs when one person repeatedly denies, distorts, or minimises another person’s experience in order to gain power or control.
It often sounds like:
“That never happened.”
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re imagining things.”
“You always overreact.”
“You’re remembering it wrong.”
The key feature is not a single disagreement or misunderstanding, but a pattern that causes the other person to mistrust their own reality.
Where the Term Comes From
The term gaslighting comes from the 1938 play Gas Light, later adapted into films. In the story, a husband subtly manipulates his wife by dimming the gas lights in their home and then denying that the lighting has changed, insisting she is imagining it. Over time, she begins to doubt her sanity.
The name has endured because it so accurately captures the experience of having your reality quietly, persistently undermined.
Who Gaslights and Why?
Gaslighting is not limited to one “type” of person, but it is more common in people who struggle with insecurity, shame, or a strong need for control.
Some common underlying motivations include:
Avoiding responsibility
By denying reality, the gaslighter avoids accountability for harm, mistakes, or abusive behaviour.
Maintaining power
If someone doubts themselves, they become easier to dominate or manipulate.
Protecting a fragile self-image
Admitting fault may feel intolerable, so reality is rewritten instead.
Fear of abandonment or exposure
Gaslighting can be an attempt to keep someone close by destabilising their confidence.
Gaslighting can occur in romantic relationships, families, workplaces, and even therapeutic or spiritual settings. It is not always deliberate or consciously planned — but its impact is real regardless of intent.
What Gaslighting Is Hoping to Achieve
At its core, gaslighting aims to shift authority away from your inner experience and onto the other person.
Over time, the gaslighter hopes you will:
Stop trusting your own perceptions
Look to them for “truth”
Feel dependent, confused, or unsure
Be less likely to challenge or leave
This is why gaslighting is so destabilising — it attacks the very foundation of psychological autonomy.
What It Feels Like to Be Gaslit
People who are being gaslit often report:
Constant self-doubt
Confusion or mental fog
Anxiety or hypervigilance
Apologising excessively
Feeling “too much” or “not enough”
Losing confidence in decisions and memories
Many trauma survivors are particularly vulnerable, as early experiences of having feelings dismissed can make gaslighting feel familiar — even if it’s deeply harmful.
What to Do If You’re Experiencing Gaslighting
Name what’s happening
Even silently naming it to yourself can be grounding. Confusion is often the first clue.
Anchor in your reality
Write things down. Keep notes of conversations, feelings, or events. This helps counter the erosion of memory and self-trust.
Seek external perspective
Talk to someone you trust — a friend, therapist, or support group. Gaslighting thrives in isolation.
Set boundaries
You do not need to convince someone who refuses to acknowledge your reality. Boundaries might include ending conversations, limiting contact, or refusing to engage in circular arguments.
Trust patterns, not explanations
Gaslighters often sound convincing. Focus less on what they say and more on how you consistently feel after interactions.
Protecting Yourself Long-Term
Healing from gaslighting involves rebuilding trust in your own perceptions.
Therapy can help you:
Strengthen your internal sense of truth
Understand why the dynamic felt compelling or confusing
Repair self-doubt and shame
Learn to recognise red flags earlier
Most importantly, recovery means relearning that your experience matters — and that disagreement does not equal delusion.
A Final Word
Gaslighting is not about being weak, naïve, or “too sensitive.” It works precisely because humans are relational and want to understand each other.
Clarity returns not through arguing harder, but through reconnecting with your own inner authority. When you trust yourself again, gaslighting loses its power.
If you recognise yourself in this, support can help. You are not imagining it — and you are not alone.
