Alexithymia: When Feelings Have No Words
Have you ever felt something strongly in your body—tightness in your chest, heaviness in your stomach, a sudden burst of energy—but struggled to put it into words? For some people, this isn’t an occasional experience; it’s a way of life. This difficulty in identifying and describing emotions is called alexithymia.
It doesn’t mean a person has no feelings. Rather, it means the pathway between emotion and language is harder to access. Understanding this can bring compassion—for yourself or for someone you care about.
What Is Alexithymia?
The word comes from Greek: “a” (without), “lexis” (words), and “thymos” (emotions). Quite literally, it means “without words for emotions.”
Someone with alexithymia may:
Struggle to identify what they are feeling beyond “good” or “bad”
Have trouble describing emotions to others
Confuse bodily sensations with emotions (e.g., thinking anxiety is indigestion)
Find it hard to connect emotionally in relationships
Alexithymia is not a formal mental health diagnosis, but a trait that can show up on a spectrum—from mild difficulty to very pronounced challenges.
What Causes Alexithymia?
There isn’t one single cause. Often, it develops from a combination of factors:
Early childhood environment – If you grew up in a household where emotions weren’t named, validated, or safe to express, you may not have learned the “emotional vocabulary” needed to recognise feelings.
Trauma and neglect – Repeated experiences of overwhelm or dismissal of emotions can lead the nervous system to shut down awareness of feelings as a protective strategy.
Neurological differences – Alexithymia is more common in people with autism spectrum conditions, though not exclusive to them.
Cultural factors – In some families or communities, emotions are seen as weakness, so people learn to focus on actions and thoughts instead.
Is There a Solution?
While alexithymia isn’t something you simply “get rid of,” there are powerful ways to work with it and build emotional awareness over time.
1. Body Awareness
Emotions first show up as physical sensations. By noticing tension, temperature, or changes in breathing, you begin to map how feelings live in your body.
2. Building Emotional Vocabulary
Using emotion charts, journals, or even apps that list feelings can help expand the language available. Sometimes, naming even approximately (“I feel restless”) is a first step.
3. Therapy
Approaches like integrative psychotherapy, somatic therapy, or trauma-informed work provide safe spaces to explore what feelings might be hiding beneath numbness or confusion. Therapists often help clients link bodily sensations to emotions.
4. Mindfulness Practices
Slowing down and paying attention to subtle shifts in body and mind helps create space between sensation and reaction. Over time, this can sharpen emotional awareness.
5. Safe Relationships
Close, compassionate relationships can act as mirrors. When someone reflects back, “You seem sad,” or “I notice you’re tense when you talk about that,” it helps build emotional recognition.
A Gentle Reminder
Alexithymia is not a flaw or failure. It’s often the mind’s way of surviving environments where emotions felt unsafe or overwhelming. The very fact that you’re curious about it means you’re already moving toward greater self-awareness.
With patience and practice, emotions can shift from being confusing or hidden to becoming guides that enrich connection, communication, and healing.
Learning to name your feelings isn’t just about words—it’s about reclaiming the full depth of your inner life.
